What are you?

People still ask me, not so much am I Christian, but am I Catholic ["Roman" and capital C implied]. They assume that I am Christian for some reason. I was pondering that today.
What would I call myself? The problem is not calling myself something that identifies me as a follower of Jesus -- stumble though I do in that following. It is that the labels are not usually about a relationship with Jesus but about an implied relationship with a religious institution. I have no significant relationship with any religious institution, although I am still on the Catholic church's books somewhere.

 
So what am I?
Most anything I can come up with implies a connection to a church or ecclesial tradition -- disciple, for example, or friend or even plain old Christian.
So what am I?
Perhaps the secret is in the Name of the Unnamed One -- I AM. Period. Not in the way Ha Shem AM, of course. But maybe the sentence doesn't need a subject complement, "subject completer." It is enough in itself.
"What are you?"
I am.
"No, I mean what religion are you?"
I am not a religion.
"I mean, what church do you belong to?"
None.
"Well, what do you believe?"
I don't believe what. I believe SomeOne.
"What SomeOne do you believe in?
I don't believe in SomeOne. I believe SomeOne.
"What do you believe about that SomeOne?"
SomeOne AM.
"Huh?"
Yeah. That's what I think, too.
Oh, yeah. SomeOne AM. I am, but I am not SomeOne. Not that SomeOne, anyway.
Capiche?