Horton enrollment declining

This year's incoming freshman class at Philip Peabody Horton University is the smallest in a decade, and numbers have been declining for the past several years. Since tuition is free, we do not attribute the decline to the economy. In fact, one might expect more students to apply. We do, however, have stringent entrance requirements -- in particular, that one must have applied and been rejected everywhere else and that one must establish one's quirkiness through letters of reluctant recommendation. (Technically, we are interested in one's antisociability, but that sounds harsh.)

Portrait of Philip Peabody Horton as a young cemetery plot salesman

Date unknown

So the university board has agreed for the first time to start advertising PPHU more broadly. You may see ads showing up on your local television, alongside those for Regent University, ITT Tech and other alternate-reality-based centers of learning.

Here is a link to a short press release: Philip Peabody Horton University seeks students 

For more about PPHU, you can read this post.