U.S. Air Force: We're Not Afraid Of Godzilla
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Look, it's pretty awesome that the Smithsonian's Air & Space Magazine got airmen at the Kadena Air Base in Okinawa to comment on a Godzilla attack. But when Senior Airman Mark Hermann said he'd defend the United States of America from Godzilla with "50 caliber [machine guns], four helicopters ... and all the cannons here," I just laughed.
Master Sgt. Jason Edwards got closer to victory when he suggested bringing in the Power Rangers and Tom Brokaw to the fight. But what the two airmen don't know is that there has been plenty more artillery fired at Godzilla over the years, and he's never really been taken down (Did his body regenerate? Did he die? Don't argue). So this reporter decided to bring out the big guns -- a U.S. Army Reserves Chinook pilot, and my dad -- to answer the question: Can the Armed Forces kill Godzilla?
"He shoots friggin' lightning out of his mouth, he kills kaiju, he can go into space, and he can fly with no wings. Japanese tanks, helicopters, and artillery can't take him out. Even when they were able to kill him, he comes back to life," Chief Warrant Officer Bryan Campbell told HuffPost Weird News.
"I don't think the Air Force could take Godzilla, and I don't even think the Army or anybody in the world could take him," Campbell added.
Dad's right (and he can totally beat up your dad). Godzilla is nearly 350 feet tall and was born from nuclear waste. Nukes won't work. F-15s won't work. And .50-caliber machine guns sure as hell won't work -- Godzilla beat Mechagodzilla.
Plus, the Air Force has chosen the wrong enemy. In some of the old films (and in the new one coming out) Godzilla is beckoned from the oceanic depths to kill another monster terrorizing society.
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I have seen the trailers for this summer's movie, but it was not clear to me that they were calling in Godzilla to take out the Republicans in the House of Representatives. I'm glad for the clarification.
Godzilla rules !!
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